Dear Hipster . . .

Dear Hipster,

I called you about fifty times, telling you about your storage unit. You haven't been paying for it and you haven't visited since last month. What the hell, man? Why did you even get it if you weren't going to pay or use it?

Well, anyways, just like I said in my voicemails, the lock cuts came and went. Your unit was full of abandoned goods -- unless you wanted to that really horrible loveseat that looked like it survived a war. Other than that, the remains of what looked like your sentimentality was left behind.

Today I threw away the following:
- a MOC (mint-on-card) Han Solo from the 1997 line of Star Wars figures
- a vintage "Empire Strikes Back" coloring book with at least 1/3 of the pages colored (mostly inside the lines)
- 12-13 beat-up copies of "Rolling Stone" magazine, all from around 1999-2001
- an Altell bill in someone else's name
- four post cards
- ten cards and letters
(I didn't read them)
- no less than four broken records
- a beat-up, inside-out cabby-hat
- a "Poor" issue of "Web of Spider-Man" # 3 (featuring Doc Ock)

Needless to say, this is all in the garbage. I have to ask you, Hipster, was this the last of your days as such? Did you shrug this off because that part of you is peeling away? Are parts of your Hipster image breaking off? Will I find your love of an independant coffee shop in my parking lot when you pay your balance? Will you will leave behind your Liberal Arts degree next time you get a storage unit? Perhaps it will scattered with your indy comics and empty casette cases. Was leaving us this mess a sign that you no longer wished to "go green?"

I admire Hipsters. I do. I wish I was one, but I don't have the credentials to back that up. I wonder now if you truly were one or perhaps it was yet another mask you put on to impress one of the many girls your notes were addressed to. My biggest indicator is the indy-produced magazine entitled "The Hipster." Issue 5 was found amongst shards of records and dirty clothing, photocopied and illustrated by someone who may have been from Highland Square. Why did you need this? A guide to the culture you wished to infiltrate?

I wonder what guise you will take on next? Business man? Nerd? Will your next storage unit be filled with "Esquire" or "Wizard?" Will you have "X-Men" # 3 or "Iron Man" # 3 in your unit? Will you have an MOC Lando in your next unit, to indicate that you have moved into the wheeling and dealing aspects of business? Or perhaps yet another Stormtrooper so that you can someday amass an army?

I'm just curious, is all.

In the end, I hope you pay this bill you left us. It took me way too long to throw your crap out.

Sincerely,

THE MAN

I love "The Office" -- It Needs to End

I really do love "The Office." After six seasons, the show is still very funny and is still chock full of cringe-worthy moments of embarassment. The problem is, the show hit its creative high last season (agruably) and everything seems to be slowly slowly winding down.

In terms of character arcs, no one but Jim and Pam have been developed. And Jim and Pam are pretty much locked in unless something were to happen to the baby -- a move that would be extremely bad. This is a good thing, of course, but since their very sitcom wedding, the couple hasn't had much to do other than be in love and get ready for baby. They've given up on their bigger, more exciting dreams and integrated themselves into the company they both were so apathetic about in the beginning. There's no place to go with them unless something very drastic were to happen.

As for the rest of the gang . . . the drama level has dropped. All of the previous relationships (Dwight/Angela, Andy/Angela, Michael/Jan, Michael/Carol, Michael/Holly, Kelly/Ryan, Kelly/Daryl) have pretty much concluded and without it, there's this sort of "well, now what?" feel to the show's side characters. I'm not completely excited about an Andy/Erin hook-up.

Don't get me wrong here. The show is still very funny and I think the current subplot involving Dunder-Mifflin facing bankruptcy is what the show needs to continue through the end of this season. But honestly? Let's wrap it up.

My concern is that it'll lose it's luster, much like "Scrubs." Was "Scrubs" still good in its later seasons? Yes, but it lacked the charm and energy of its earlier seasons. I'd rather not see that happen to "The Office" -- I'd rather see it go out like "Seinfeld," and simply bow out before the characters became cliched versions of themselves.

So, let's do that. Let's conclude it.

Let's take through the end of the season. Push out one more season, where we start to bring the characters and the company itself to its end. Give Jim and Pam their baby. Find someone for Michael (Leslie Knope, I swear I ship this) and give Dwight a promotion. And then turn off the lights and lock the door.

-----

What inspired this? I had a dream I worked at Dunder-Mifflin, which emphasised how much I relate to Jim and Pam. Remember the arc when Pam moved to NYC to go to art school? Some of those scenes were like they transcripts of when Mrs. W lived in North Carolina -- in particular the one where she flunked out.

In addition to that, it also shows how the two of them have had to adapt and do what they must, even if it means not leaving the company. I feel ya.

We Can Rebuild It . . .

I'm considering relaunching this blog as something more along the lines of the adventures of a college drop-out. After numerous attempts at finishing college, success has eluded me. Now I'm twenty-seven, work and live at a self-storage facility in Akron, Ohio. I spent nine years in the grocery business. My dreams of writing a best-selling novel has manfested in piles of Star Trek and He-Man fanfics.

Wow. That's depressing.

I can't say I'm happy with all the decisions I made. I try not to regret my life after high school, as I can't sit here and tell you that I didn't try and that I don't have anyone to blame for myself. Too many negatives there. Sorry.

Let's try this again.

I think that the idea of never finishing college will always haunt me. It's kind of a complex issue. I never had the opportunity to live in a dorm and do college-y things. I never got to learn the things I always wanted to learn. I live a life of financial instability and with the constant hope that something will happen that will boost me up to the next step.

But this is moot at this point. Let's be honest, I have no one to blame but myself when it comes to college. I was never able to prioritize it. I was never able to devote the kind of focus I needed to have on it. Part of that was my ADD and part of it was just me. Will I ever go back? I dunno. I can't afford it anymore. My wife tells me she wants to go back . . . but that determination seems to last about a week before it goes quiet and nothing gets said for another two months when we have a big, dramatic conversation about it.

Oy, but let's focus on me, huh?

Anyways, so I'm not pleased with myself in the college world, but it's not like I'm living the bad life. I have an apartment that I don't have to pay for (I did take a significant pay cut though), so as long as I have a job, I have a roof over my head. I have a job that has generally "okay" benefits. And hey, I'm getting some office experience, right? That'll help me when I finally get that mail room job I'll be gunning for in 8.5 years. ;)

I like this, actually. We're in it now and you're stuck wth me. Read this blog and know what happens when you drop out of college and need to wallow in your nerdiness to keep yourself feeling better. Read this blog and know what it is to be happily married, even if your backyard is the space between a golf cart garage and the first building in a self-storage property.

Read this blog and know the good life.

It'll make you do your homework.