Dear Hipster . . .

Dear Hipster,

I called you about fifty times, telling you about your storage unit. You haven't been paying for it and you haven't visited since last month. What the hell, man? Why did you even get it if you weren't going to pay or use it?

Well, anyways, just like I said in my voicemails, the lock cuts came and went. Your unit was full of abandoned goods -- unless you wanted to that really horrible loveseat that looked like it survived a war. Other than that, the remains of what looked like your sentimentality was left behind.

Today I threw away the following:
- a MOC (mint-on-card) Han Solo from the 1997 line of Star Wars figures
- a vintage "Empire Strikes Back" coloring book with at least 1/3 of the pages colored (mostly inside the lines)
- 12-13 beat-up copies of "Rolling Stone" magazine, all from around 1999-2001
- an Altell bill in someone else's name
- four post cards
- ten cards and letters
(I didn't read them)
- no less than four broken records
- a beat-up, inside-out cabby-hat
- a "Poor" issue of "Web of Spider-Man" # 3 (featuring Doc Ock)

Needless to say, this is all in the garbage. I have to ask you, Hipster, was this the last of your days as such? Did you shrug this off because that part of you is peeling away? Are parts of your Hipster image breaking off? Will I find your love of an independant coffee shop in my parking lot when you pay your balance? Will you will leave behind your Liberal Arts degree next time you get a storage unit? Perhaps it will scattered with your indy comics and empty casette cases. Was leaving us this mess a sign that you no longer wished to "go green?"

I admire Hipsters. I do. I wish I was one, but I don't have the credentials to back that up. I wonder now if you truly were one or perhaps it was yet another mask you put on to impress one of the many girls your notes were addressed to. My biggest indicator is the indy-produced magazine entitled "The Hipster." Issue 5 was found amongst shards of records and dirty clothing, photocopied and illustrated by someone who may have been from Highland Square. Why did you need this? A guide to the culture you wished to infiltrate?

I wonder what guise you will take on next? Business man? Nerd? Will your next storage unit be filled with "Esquire" or "Wizard?" Will you have "X-Men" # 3 or "Iron Man" # 3 in your unit? Will you have an MOC Lando in your next unit, to indicate that you have moved into the wheeling and dealing aspects of business? Or perhaps yet another Stormtrooper so that you can someday amass an army?

I'm just curious, is all.

In the end, I hope you pay this bill you left us. It took me way too long to throw your crap out.

Sincerely,

THE MAN